Midnight Orchids

Gender-based violence remains a deep wound in our society. Behind every statistic is a human being who longed for safety, dignity, and peace.

I do not share this from anger or judgement, but from compassion — for all who have been harmed, the broken systems and also for the emotional wounds and generational patterns that perpetuate harm. Understanding the roots of violence never excuse it; it simply helps us see the fuller picture of how deeply we are struggling and the urgency for change.

Men’s violence against women and children is a daily lived experience that we should not be looking away from. Outrage alone will not dismantle it. Real change demands a collective consciousness — raising boys who can feel and communicate, raising girls who know their worth is non-negotiable, and creating Ubuntu communities which are safe spaces and homes where healing becomes possible.

Violence shapes all of us, even when we are not the ones directly affected. Awareness, compassion, and truth are the first steps toward breaking the transgenerational cycles that stretch into our histories and are embedded in our traumatised DNA.

And yet, I am left with hard questions:

• Why does silence feel safer than speaking out?
• Why do friendships become shields for harmful behaviour?
• Why do some mothers defend their sons instead of holding them accountable?
• Why do families struggle to believe victims, even when the truth is clear?
• Why are victims blamed for what they suffered?

Yes, I know it is not “all men”, but there is always a man.

These questions are not asked to condemn, but to awaken. Until we face them honestly, cycles of harm will continue unchecked.

Our country, South Africa, is built on a foundation of violence. It was built with the blood of our oppressed, hands which carved and planed the benches on which we were not allowed to sit, footsteps echoing in buildings they were not allowed to live, shadows on the streets they were forced to leave. These are the memories which flow through our veins and blood the streets with the red of an unhealed trauma, rivers which seemingly have no end.

The Spirits of our wounded Ancestors sweep amongst us. The trauma is embedded in our DNA, carrying the suffering of our Ancestors, on the one hand, making us deeply resilient and long-suffering, yet on the other, enraged. Our democracy is built on terror, oppression, silence and secrets. It is transgenerational and intergenerational trauma which are not resolved with a dismissive “get over it, it happened long ago, move on”.

It is easy to feel powerless under such a weight, but healing begins when we refuse to remain silent.

We must acknowledge the cycles of violence and secrecy that have shaped our communities. We must decide how we are going to make a difference which starts with the first step, the first action. We are the generation whose purpose it is to create a safe, wholesome world for our Descendants – how we raise our children, what they are taught, how we build them up, how we encourage communication and encourage self-awareness and self-love. This is our Duty and our Purpose. We are responsible for the World we leave for our children. And so are they.   

We are holding our own chains when we remain silent.

Let us speak the secrets.

Let us break the silence.

Let us heal, and in healing, become the difference we seek.

Can we bring peace to our Ancestors so they may rest?

Can our Spirits, for the generations yet to come, be filled with compassion, openness, kindness, understanding?

Let us plant courage where fear once grew, and love where pain once festered